if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
