I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Randomize
