you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
