i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
