I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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