she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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