I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
