This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
