I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
