So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
porn star boner night. come get it.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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