We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
