thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
