tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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