I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
