I want to make a zoo with you.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
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