I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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