The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Randomize
