and you said cock pushups were impossible
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
