last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
