i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
