you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
