he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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