Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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