I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
can u get pink eye on your cock?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Randomize
