you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
