i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Randomize
