"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
