This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
