My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
