I wanna bring you to show and tell
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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