In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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