she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
