That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
