A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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