At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
