I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
