thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Buhtt sex?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
