Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize