"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
