I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
