mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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