and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
