Only a mothe r could love this liver
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
