He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
