i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
