I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
