well you can't waste a boner
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize