i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
