I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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