Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
