Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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