I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
