get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I feel like abortions should bother me more
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize