I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
