New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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