there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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