you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
