I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
