Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Randomize
