My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
