if only i could text you this smell
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize