I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
