Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Randomize
