He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
