you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
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