that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
