I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
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