I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
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