Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
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