i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
