the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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