So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
