i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
even my farts smell like vagina
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Cover your peen. We're going out.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
