STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
