I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Randomize
