Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Someone came in the potted fern
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
